What simple advice would help YOU the most to get your ex back…
I often think about that question.
At RelationshipsDefined, we’ve helped reunite couples for years, and helped thousands of people who needed a bit more information, and even those who just needed a few questions answered to get them moving in the right direction. Over this time I often found myself thinking; what is the best piece of advice on getting an ex back, that we can offer?
What is the main thing that I believe will get you on the path to getting your relationship back on track in the quickest timeframe. Tips to getting your love life back to exactly where you want it to be.
Getting back on the road to a full relationship recovery in the shortest time is important, because the faster you start taking steps to get your relationship back together, the easier it will be to reunite with your ex.
You want to get on the road to recovery for your relationship as fast as possible, to make sure everything feels natural and almost like it’s just the way things were meant to be! Leaving a longer gap more often than not can make the steps involved feel a bit forced, and it also means your ex has a higher chance of moving on with someone else.
There are so many parts to reuniting a relationship it can make finding the best advice on getting your ex back very tricky. What exactly is the best advice on getting an ex back? Everyone comes into this situation with a different story, with a different history, with different reasons for breakups happening, and triggers that finally cause them. We all differ so much that it’s often hard to find that one common piece of advice that could run through every situation.
However, the best place to start is always with the very basics.
Do You Know Where You’re Starting?
If you’ve been reading my emails and articles for a while (if not, welcome to the group!), you’ll know that I always recommend the best thing to start with when winning your ex back is… you.
There is a massive amount of comfort in taking control of what’s happening, and not letting things, or people, that you can’t control get you down. This includes your ex of course. You can’t change them directly, you can’t hypnotise people and change their mind that yours is the relationship for them, and there aren’t any magic spells that can truly change your ex-partner’s mind about the breakup.
What you can do though is start looking at things that are in your control, and looking for ways to improve yourself.
Let’s Take a Step Back
Perspective. A word that can feel like it’s thrown about a lot – but then it’s never tied down to any real actions.
When you’re in the middle of a relationship, or a breakup, you can easily get lost in your thoughts and feelings. You maybe don’t notice things that were really obvious to your friends and family – perhaps things they even told you about, but you didn’t want to listen to them. Regardless of whether or not you were told about any issues between you and your ex-partner, now is when you need to take some time, take a step back and get some perspective on the relationship.
Why? We need to figure out and put your finger on what went wrong with your relationship (and ideally, when things may have started to go wrong), before we can start pushing forward with recovering it.
The Good
Take a few minutes and bring your mind completely out of the emotions of the relationship, you need to be honest with yourself here.
First, let’s start by looking at the good, and think about some of the more positive aspects of this relationship. Even think if there were things you weren’t giving yourself credit for before. It’s very easy to take yourself for granted, and all of the things that you do. After all they’re probably things that you believe everyone does! If you think about it though you will, more often than not, find some positive things in your character that are new to you. In your mind run through:
- What were some of the greatest strengths in your relationship?
- What about the relationship surprised you about yourself? For example, did you find out that you are actually really skilled at empathising with your partner, and realise this was a skill you didn’t know you had before?
- What do you miss most about your ex-partner?
- What do you miss most about how your ex made you feel? Did they make things clearer for you when you were struggling to understand something, or did they always have new ways to cheer you up after you’d had a rough day?
The Bad
This is also a window to go through some of those difficult questions about your relationship – to take some time to look at some of the problems that may have come up in the past.
Try to figure out what some of the bigger weaknesses in the relationship were, things like:
- When did things start to go wrong between you and your ex-partner?
- Why did things start to go wrong (even roughly, as this can be a very difficult question to answer), and do you think you could avoid the same mistakes when you and your ex get back together?
- Were there any outside conditions that put too much pressure on your relationship, and again, do you think this pressure would come back again if nothing changed?
- Were there any recurring arguments that you noticed coming up that, when you look back on them now, weren’t really that important and could have been handled differently?
All of these things that might come up for you are important, to make sure you don’t go down the same road of issues when you reunite your relationship.
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The Book You Would Buy!
It can be difficult to pull yourself out of a relationship and really look at it for what it is. It means that these questions sometimes don’t get the attention they deserve.
Often though, the most difficult parts of these processes are the most helpful! These thoughts can open your mind to both your greatest strengths, and to what you can look to improve when you get back together with your ex-partner again.
If you want to know if you’re doing this properly, imagine for a moment that there is a novel written solely about your relationship. Could you read the summary on the back page, and tell quickly how the full relationship was?
If you can’t put all your thoughts together clearly, maybe you need to focus down a bit more on the specifics, to really identify what was great, and what was bad about the relationship. Also, if you found this story in a shop, would you but it, thinking it could give you a clear vision on what you could look at to improve your relationship? It should come across that way, or at least be able to give you a pointer in that direction.
If things still feel fuzzy or unclear, you might have to take a bit more time to think about the pros and cons of your relationship ahead of winning it back.
The Best Advice On Getting An Ex Back
So if I was asked for the best advice I can give on how to get your ex back – not just in the short term so that it seems like you’re back together, only to find that after a few weeks the same problems from the past start raising their heads again – but in a long lasting way, it would be:
Start by focusing on what you can improve, and what is in your control to improve – yourself.
Start with you – the thing that you control the most.
What things can you do to get YOU up to level 10, from where you are now.
How are you spending your time without your ex, what are your priorities and what is important to you?
When did you last seriously look at an average day for yourself, and what you could change to improve things?
Looking at these questions to figure out what you can improve is a great first step.
Don’t Make It Complicated!
People often over-complicate this process and think that the methods used to get their ex-partner back are going to be difficult or long-winded, that the written advice could take up half a book store!
It can all feel complicated, but it doesn’t have to be.
I agree that a certain amount of patience is needed when you are getting your ex-partner back into your life. After all, we are dealing with human emotions here, and reminding your partner that the two of you are great together and that they really need to rethink this relationship can often take some time.
Despite this though, the steps involved are all quite simple and they do make sense when they are explained properly in a step-by-step basis.
You Just Have to Remember That…
Getting your ex back is very possible – I’ve personally gone through many steps (some correct, some incorrect!) and recovered my relationship in the past. After going through all of the ups and downs I created a detailed system that has helped many others save relationships that were destined for the romance scrapheap.
Even if you’ve made mistakes at the start of getting your ex back, it is possible to win back your relationship. In doing so, you might find that the behaviour of your ex-partner starts to change towards you. First and most commonly, you might find that your ex-partner starts to become curious about your life – “what have they got going on that’s so great? I thought they’d be upset right now cos we broke up?” – after you’ve planted this seed in their mind, following the correct steps to get your ex back is almost child’s play.
Start Getting Your Ex Back Now!
So, if you’ve decided it’s time to start winning your ex back, and you want some detailed advice to help you – including the first step you should take, and answers to loads of issues (even what you should do even if your ex isn’t speaking to you), grab our free guide and follow up email series that will take you through the needed process. Click here to download our free guide – “Getting Couples Back Together”. Inside, you will discover just how possible it is to win your ex back, and get you well on the way to saving your love life.
If you’re truly interested in winning your ex-partner back, download the guide now, and let’s get you back together with your ex.
Wishing you luck and love,
Amber
