Fighting in a relationship… is not pretty
Arguments are everywhere, aren’t they! This is no surprise since everyone can have a different opinion about something, and when people start talking about a topic they are really passionate about it can often lead to an argument.
Well this goes for relationships too! In fact a relationship without any arguments would be… really weird.
It would feel strange if the two of you agreed on absolutely everything and always went along with each other, never voicing your true opinion and never really getting what would make you happy in the relationship.
But… there’s always a limit.
When Arguments Start To Become Problems
The problems with arguments start when they become more and more common, or more and more serious, or very repetitive and start grating on you or your partner.
Have you ever had that feeling yourself – where it seems like you’ve had the same argument 99 times already… and this round bumps at up to 100, but neither of you are any closer to fixing the problem?
So how do you deal with arguments? How do you diffuse them and stop them from causing cracks in your relationships? Well in this post and the next one, we’re going to take a closer look at arguments and how you can make sure that:
First – You can eliminate them where possible, so you never put your relationships at risk from tiny fights that don’t matter in the grand scheme of things, and…
Second – When you can’t avoid arguments, that they don’t lead to full-blown fights that put the relationship in jeopardy!
So first of all, you need to think about…
What Arguments Really Are
Ok, let’s say that you or your partner have said something that could easily lead to an argument.
You don’t see the situation the same way, or you feel misunderstood, and arguing is the only way you will fix this problem, right?
Well the first thing to consider is what the argument really is. A lot of times, arguments between two people just turn into a battle between each other.
It ends up being that neither person really cares about the argument anymore – they just want to feel that feeling of ‘winning’.
In life in general it’s important to stand your ground for many things, and often an argument is a way of trying to beat someone else – so that you ‘win’. But in a relationship, you’re both on the same team!
So even if you win the argument, your partner has to lose – and since one of you felt like you lost, the relationship between you both also loses!
Fo this reason, the first question you need to ask yourself is:
“Is this really important to us, or our relationship? Or is one of us just trying to win at something?”
If you realize you’re just trying to win for the sake of winning, simply say to your partner:
.“Wait, this isn’t worth fighting over so let’s discuss it later when we’ve cooled off”
This will help you avoid arguments turning into massive fights over things that neither of you really cared about the long run.
Remember: One person doesn’t need to win in the relationship; don’t look to win the argument, look to resolve the problem it’s causing.
But What If…
What if you’re both arguing over something that one of you really cares about – and this argument isn’t going to just go away?
Maybe you’ve had the same discussion before, and you know that it will just escalate into a fight ending in shouting or tears, with you both feeling bad about yourselves after?
Then the good news is that in the next blog post I’m going to give you a system of three fullproof tips that, if followed correctly, will resolve any arguments that come up.
Now, this won’t guarantee that you will never want to argue again, but it will give you some great tools that you can use to stop any arguments doing damage to your relationship!
And if you use them frequently – you will learn how to stop arguing, and start talking instead. A much better place for your relationship to be 🙂
Click here to read the second part of this post, and discover the 3 simple steps to eliminate any argument before it gets too serious.
and if you can stop the fights from coming up in the relationship, you can go from the first picture in this post, to this one.
