“Hang on… have they changed their Whatsapp picture to that ‘default’, white profile?!”
*ground disappears from your feet*
Crrrrash!!
…If your ex closing the door on communication with you could have a sound, that would be it.
After a breakup, breaking off contact is just one of things that happens most of the time, at least to some extent. You’re not in each other’s lives in the same meaningful ways, so it’s likely that you’ll be less in touch – a lot of times it’s even expected.
Some people, on the extreme hand, go one step further than this though, and put into effect… the blocks!!
Doing this means that any sort of resolution, or reconciliation with your ex even, is also over for you. So I always would prefer people be ‘unblocked’ as much as possible.
So, if your ex has blocked you – I can show you how to break through that barrier, whatever your end goal is after you get unblocked.
Your ex has three beliefs about you right now, which are keeping you blocked.
In this post, we’ll go over what these beliefs are, why they’re keeping you blocked, and how you can eliminate these beliefs to leave your ex desperately racing to their phone to unblock you.
“But I’ve Been Blocked on Everything!”
Yup, that is also fairly typical in these cases. When I talk about someone being blocked, I mean a full block.
The important thing behind this is not that your ex has blocked you on one, or two apps, or all of them, the meaning behind the block is the same in every case. Don’t talk to me right now.
Yes, it’s possible that your ex has blocked you only on Facebook, and not on Whatsapp, or by phone. More oftent than not though – it just suggests they are going to ignore attempts to contact them on other platforms.
In my experience helping people recover their relationship – a block is a block, and a block on one platform should trigger the same response from you, no matter what.
I also mean that getting unblocked from every system is also possible.
With that in mind, this guide will help get you get unblocked, so you can get back in touch with your ex.
Then you can decide what you want to do with things from there.
Does This Mean They Won’t Ever Talk To Me Again?
The short answer: No, it doesn’t mean that at all.
The longer answer: The act of blocking someone (as we’ll talk about in more detail later on) is more often than not an emotional response – something that is triggered from two core emotions to be accurate.
If you put yourself in the shoes of someone who blocks someone else, it’s hard to picture that happening with no emotion behind it, isn’t it?
The thing is – emotions change over time depending on what’s happening, and what people are going through. This is especially true for the emotions between two people with a long history!
There are ups, there are downs. There are times when two people in a relationship get along great, and there are times where they can’t be in the same room as the other without sniping happening!
This is just part of human nature, it’s normal, and it’s something that everyone goes through in all relationships.
I mean, if you’ve got siblings this is something you can most likely relate to! Looking back in my own past I remember times where my siblings and I used to get into massive, days long arguments. But do these feelings last though? No, they don’t!
So in the same way that siblings can (for the most part anyway) remember times they were at each other’s throats, but then in the end find themselves being pretty close friends, it’s definitely possible that two people in a relatioship get to a point where one just needs a break for their own mental sanity!
But that doesn’t mean that these responses are anything close to permanent.
Emotions fade over time – especially those that cause blocks to be put in place, even if feels very permanent just now.
The important things to remember are:
- Being blocked might feel painful, but it certainly isn’t permanent if you approach things carefully.
- Don’t panic and start acting out or getting angry at your ex – there are ways to get unblocked that we’ll discuss in this post.
Why They Blocked You
“Ok, that does it! Where’s that block button…”
You first need to accept – your ex has blocked you for a reason.
Being blocked can of course happen for many reasons, but it doesn’t happen for no reason.
If you think about it – there are numerous steps to go through to block someone, screens of confirmations, “Are you sure you want to block this person” messages, etc. You can’t ‘pocket block‘ someone very easily!
People don’t block their ex for no reason. There has to be some kind of trigger for it. So it’s important to realise that if your ex has blocked you – there is a reason behind this.
So – they were angry at you, right? That’s what most people assume just after they’ve been blocked.
It’s very easy to imagine your ex-partner angrily looking at their phone. “I’m blocking them!! That’s it!”
Now, of course, anger can be a reason that someone blocks their ex partner – just out of anger and their burning desire to get back at you.
But – here’s a secret – that’s not actually the only reason (and to be honest, it isn’t even the most common reason!). There are actually a few reasons someone fishes out that block button, that come under two main emotional groups.
Being angry is only half of the story. It turns out:
Your ex is either too angry, or too sad to hear from you, or to see you.
Blocking someone is always an emotional decision. Something that someone does when they’re overcome with one of those two emotions, they do it when they’re too angry or upset at the person they can’t face.
So there are actually two core triggers for someone blocking you.
What are some exact reasons that come under these two core groups? These are the most common reasons for being blocked:
- They want some space. This is the biggest reason, and likely will be in your case too.
- Where your relationship was, was causing them stress.
- Your ex is hurting from the idea of seeing you or hearing from you.
- Revenge – your ex wants to hurt your feelings.
It’s important to properly think about every one of these, to see if it’s possibly the root reason causing the block in the first place.
After all, there’s no point in going through the work to get unblocked, if the first reason was never understood. In that case you might just end up getting blocked again!
So let’s go through each reason a bit more, and figure out if it is relevant to your situation.
They are asking for space… so be patient, and give them space
Let’s start with the obvious (really obvious, maybe) point – if someone has blocked you online, it might mean they are after some space right now.
I know this point might seem really obvious, but it’s always surprising how many people don’t give that statement the thought it deserves.
This reason for being blocked is most common when there was maybe a lot of arguments betweeen the two of you around invasion of space throughout the relationship – and especially towards the end.
Were one of you perhaps:
- Trying to control the other person in the relationship?
- Putting themselves forcefully into the other person’s life (maybe moving in with them without them knowing!)?
- Starting serious discussions around the future of the relationship at a time when the other isn’t ready?
Any behaviour like this could be the reason a block was triggered.
It’s possible that after the breakup, your ex feels like they’ve got an amount of freedom back – so blocking you online is the final step in making sure you can’t influence what they’re doing or how they’re feeling.
So if it’s possible that any of these reasons happened towards the end of your relationship, it’s important to admit what your ex might be looking for:
Some space from you…
And some time.
Blocking you just happened to be the clearest way, in their mind, of getting to that place where they can get these things, and take some time to focus more on themselves.
This point is crucial!
If you feel that the reason for the block falls into this category, you must (must) respect this request for space.
If you’ve been dating for a while, you’ll know plenty about: where they live; where they work; their daily routine; when it’s best to ‘just happen to run into them’; etc.
So it can be very tempting to find ‘other ways’ to get in touch with them… especially in person when you just happen to meet them – but don’t do this!
Even if you feel sure that you can get through to them if you can just see them face-to-face instead – this is a very strong thought that you will just have to resist.
Doing any of these things is always very transparent, and your ex will realise what you’re doing.
You are also showing that you don’t respect the fact that they want space! Meeting up with them by accident will only risk driving them further away.
In a similar line – avoid stalking your ex’s friends and asking them how your ex is doing. If you do this – guess what they’ll do straight after… that’s right – they’ll tell your ex! “hey, they’re asking about you again” – definitely not what you want right now.
Where your relationship was, was causing them stress
While I always say blocking is not something I want to see happen to you, it’s important to think about your side of this, and even if you contributed in some way to their decision to block you.
Now I’m certainly not saying that it was all on your end. But that you take some time to review what you’ve been saying to them recently, and your actions, and think if there was anything you could have done differently to cool down any tension between the two of you.
Is it possible that the two of you were arguing a lot towards the end of your relationship? Were there times when you threw a lot of emotion into situations which made them more intense?
Points like these need time to think about.
After all, if this was happening recently in your relationship, and if you can’t admit if this happened, you might just find a way to do it again later!
The end result of your ex being too streesed by you being around, is often them deciding that you were so toxic that keeping you in their life just isn’t an option right now.
Did you show any clinging behaviour that may have been stressful for your ex?
Everyone that has been in a breakup knows that emotions are running high, there’s hardly ever a breakup where that isn’t the case.
But that doesn’t mean that any behaviour can go – we’re all humans after all and your ex will have their breaking point when they threw up their hands and said,
“Ok, enough is enough! I can’t deal with them right now.”
What comes into this category? The main culprit in this group is usually excessive communication.
What you were bringing to their life in the way of stress and tension was more ’emotionally expensive’ for them, than any benefit they were getting from being in touch with you.
What kind of unstable behaviour are we talking about?
- Trying to call them 20 times in the morning
- Screens of text that your ex can’t even process, let alone reply to
- Trying to get in touch with their friends or family.
Or anything else that would make your ex think “ehhh… ok, this definitely isn’t the best person to have in my life right now.”
It’s not the time to dwell or suffer over any behaviour like this if it is something you were doing.
You should just be bearing in mind so when you do get back in touch, you don’t get blocked again the week after!
It hurts your ex to see or hear from you
It might be easy to imagine that your ex is doing fine without you, as painful as it might feel.
After a breakup though, both of you are likely hurting for different reasons. Perhaps your ex is feeling ashamed of how they acted towards the end of your relationship?
Or maybe your ex is upset that the relationship ended at all, after all everytime they see or hear from you they’ll be getting a cruel reminder that the two of you were just in a breakup, pushing back into their minds the fact that the relationship didn’t work out in the end.
Everytime you post something, *ding* – reminder to them that we failed as a couple. Something else is posted from your account – *ding* another reminder that you aren’t together anymore, and you might be getting up to something exciting without them.
It’s not completely uncommon for someone to block their ex just to save them the painful feelings of seeing their updates, reminding them that the relationship ended.
Your ex is after revenge, and might just be trying to hurt you
If this is the case for you, it’s possible that your ex is still working through some anger aimed towards the end of your relationship together.
The most common reason for this type of block is if you were both arguing a lot towards the end of your relationship, and even after if you were still in touch.
If your ex was feeling this angry at you though for recent behaviour, maybe this isn’t a just a sign that your ex has something to work through – maybe you need to take some time to think about your own mental health, and if in fact you were the best person you could have been towards the end of this relationship?
If you found that arguments were common place for the two of you, maybe you both need to learn how to stop arguments from coming up and affecting you both, before you get back in touch and (hopefully) get your relationship back into a healthier place for the long term.
If you put your emotions and feelings to the back of your mind for just now – it hurts massively to be blocked, I know – but you have to see this situation from your ex’s point of view just now while you read this section.
Why It Can Even Be a Good Thing You Are Blocked?!
No matter what happens in the coming weeks and months, if and when your ex unblocks you, it can be good to take whatever power you can from the situation and take something positive out of it that is under your control.
Afer all – some things are a blessing in disguise, and this is definitely true right now. Every cloud has a silver lining, right?.
So what are some good experiences or take aways you can gain from this difficult situation? Well first of all, how about the fact that your ex must still be thinking about you in a very serious way when they blocked you!
Your ex is still thinking about you
As I’ve said before in this article – blocking someone is always an emotionally driven decision.
Whether it’s obvious or not – you are still be affecting your ex enough to make them think about you – angry or sad, they’re still feeling emotions for you.
Nobody is sitting around with no feelings, randomly blocking people just because there’s nothing else to do. If they don’t want to hear from someone in their feeds, they can always mute and even unfriend/unfollow the person.
The fact that they’ve had to go to the extent of blocking you so you can’t get any message through to them signals that there is still a lot of emotional involvement hiding under the covers for them.
It would in some wasy be more concerning if they had no emotion left for you. If this was the case, they could easily just scroll through your updates, carefree. If they were able to do that, that would be a sign that there’s no emotion there for them – a much worse situation to be in.
Your ex is showing enough emotional interest as they can’t see/hear from you without getting an EMOTIONAL reaction. So in the end they’ve just had to block you to avoid that.
As I go over in the free guide, there is an 81% chance your ex is still thinking about you – use this to your advantage.
It gives YOU the time you need to heal
Being blocked also has the side-affect of giving you the time to focus on how you’re recovering after the end of the relationship. This is priceless time.
Let’s say that checking in with your ex was something that you were already doing (or were tempted to do at least). What is the best way to have this communication channel shut down, also sparing you the feelings of having to check in with someone, being obsessed with them?
Having them take the temptation away by blocking you seems like a pretty good plan to me!
Obsessing over what your ex is posting, who they’re talking to, has their friend count gone up!? Does that mean that they’ve made friends with someone who might end up being their partner?
All of these thoughts can eat away at you very strongly, so take this opportunity and time to let go of these stressful feelings.
If your ex hadn’t blocked you and you were still able to check in on what they were doing, it can feel like swimming upstream, trying to fight your way back into their lives which forces you to go for desparate tactics. Let some time pass, and let any obsessive feelings over them go by, you’ll maybe get a bit more inner peace as you do.
But if they’ve blocked me, doesn’t that mean they aren’t interested in knowing what I’m getting up to at all?
Oooh if only that was the case! In actual fact, your ex knows everything that you’re getting up to, because:
Your Ex Is Spying On You!
You might be thinking that your ex doesn’t know what your getting up to at all, and has completely lost interest in you.
Nope – not the case!
Just because they aren’t asking you directly what’s going on in your life, doesn’t mean that they aren’t finding out.
What else is there on your social media profiles? That’s right – other friends!
Your friends that are also in close contact with your ex (or have been in the past), shared friends you had together, couple friends you both made and keep in touch with, and loads of other groups of people!
They certainly have not blocked you, so guess where your ex can go to get more information on you whenever they want? That’s right – these other friends!
“Hey, speaking of them, they’ve got someone new in their profile pic, do you know who that is? Not that I care, just curious.”
Bang – they’ve got a spy into your life.
So whatever else you might be thinking, your ex is definitely keeping up on your life and what’s going on with you… they’re just finding ways of getting that information without asking you directly.
“Ok – so how do I now get unblocked?”
Your Two Biggest Allies to Getting Unblocked – Curiousity and Jealousy
There are a few different options here for what you can do to get unblocked. Again – as I said at the top of this post, I mean all platforms here – and being unblocked on one, should be seen as being unblocked on them all.
It’s the decision behind the block, and then the unblock, that is the key part – not how many platforms are involved.
Effectively, staying in a ‘blocked’ state comes down to three core reasons. Your ex:
– Believes they are doing better than you after the relationship;
– Is getting the information they need about you from other friends or sources;
– Is not jealous about you or your life right now.
If you can break two of these three conditions, you are more than likely going to be in full touch with your ex again. Heck, they might even be chasing you down next, to find out what’s been going on with you!
These points all come back to your ex thinking they still have a window into your life and what you’re doing. So let’s go over some main ways you can break these thoughts.
Use Your Mutual Friends To Get Interest Going With Your Ex Again
Remember those mutual friends that were telling your ex everything that you’re getting up to?
In fact, as soon as you upload a new picture of you somewhere you haven’t been before, I would bet that your ex is asking for more information on this new picture from your shared friends!
Well this can be an opportunity for you to use these friendships to get a very positive message about what you’re doing with your time through to your ex.
By telling them some very carefully phrased events, you can paint a picture that would be driving your ex partner mad when they found out about them!
Your best friend in these cases is curiousity – a great chance of getting your ex to unblock you is getting your ex’s desire to find out more about what you’re getting up to.
If they are getting nothing but amazing news about you through these friends, that can often be enough to unblock you just to find out how real all this info is, and what you’re actually getting up to without them.
“Hmmm what are they doing? It sounds really… interesting! Maybe I should unblock them just to find out…”
Going Radio Silent
This is another point that makes use of social media – quite ironic that you can use social media you were blocked on as the very tool to get unblocked isn’t it!
Since your ex thinks they can still find out everything you’re getting up to… how about you limit what you put online altogether!
If you think about it – when was the last you gave your social profiles a bit of time off and focused on something else with your days? If it’s been a while this one might be a good time to try it.
I know this can be tricky so I don’t say you need to completely dettox from the internet – after all it is very useful for keeping in touch with people. You should still post the occasional update – we don’t want people thinking you’ve fallen off the face of the earth altogether!
But there’s nothing wrong with limiting what is going out to the general population, where your ex might be listening in.
Just that right now you’re up to something that is far more exciting and you don’t have the time to update your social media accounts as much right now.
Now – it is unlikely that using this alone is enough to make your ex unblock you to find out what’s going on – but it just might be enough to start the cogs turning in their head that you’re up to something exciting – something that is taking up too much of your time so that you’re less likely to be online as much.
The Never-Fail Option…
Ok, if the other two don’t make a dent in you getting unblocked – you can pull this tactic out of the bag for maximum level effectiveness.
Your ex is likely not thinking that you’re going to be dating right now. So here’s the big ones to get unblocked:
Uploading a picture of you with someone who your ex doesn’t know, in a way that it isn’t clear what the relationship between you two is.
The best example in this case is someone your ex doesn’t know who has their arm around your shoulder in a picture. They might be into you, they might just be a new friend.
Your ex might have some competition in the picture now, who has clicked onto something about you that your ex had forgotten about.
They just won’t know!
I’m sure you’ve had times in your life where this kind of “are they, aren’t they” situation was driving all your friends mad. You just need to find a solid way of recreating that atmosphere again.
Are you two together? You look great as a pair – what’s going on with the two of you!?
Maybe even that was the case between you and your ex when you started dating…
So if your ex was starting to feel that with you and someone else… don’t you think that would be effective at getting you unblocked? In my experience, this one works a treat, and gets ex-partners to quickly reach out for more information.
Any one of these methods can be used to get your ex to unblock you, so have a think and see if you could put any to use in your life, to get your ex to not only unblock you, but also (more than likely) be the first to reach out to you to find out what’s been going on.
Tell me how it goes, below. Or – have you got any other techniques you’ve used to repair this kind of relationship speedbump?
Let me know in the comments!
