Following on from my last blog post about texting, and some important tips keep in mind to make sure you use these types of communication to keep your relationship growing properly, I want talk about texting early on in relationships.
I wanted to write about this because of a few e-mails I got from people. They were saying that they met someone in their town or even on one of the dating sites I recommend (like Mate1 for example) and started sending them texts and instant messages. Sounds great, right? Well in these cases it didn’t turn out that way – the problem here was the time-scale and how they talked to that person after they started to like them.
In many cases, when two people first meet, both start texting frequently and get excited thinking of all the great things they have in common with each other. Lots of times this can go on for several weeks before the two finally decide to meet up again, or even meet for the first time ever.
So What Went Wrong?
This may sound ideal, and in some ways it is what you want. But for the people who got in touch with me, it started to fall apart the first time they met up in public. Despite all the amazing texts they were sending to each other, and talking about all the things they could do together, there was a huge part of the dating game that they just weren’t paying attention to – that mysterious thing known as chemistry!
I know, it’s one of those things we just have to accept as a mystery when it comes to dating (luckily for us we do get better at this in time as we mature), but I’m sure you know what I’m talking about here. When you meet someone for the first time, this is when you really start to get a feel for the type of person they are. Are they confident, happy, and secure in themselves? Are they able to talk to you about different things and still keep a conversation interesting, and a whole array of other things? These crucial elements just can’t be detected through texting or instant messaging with another person.
What this means is that yes, you may be texting someone for a long time – having great conversations with the two of you thinking that you both really click together and this relationship could really be ‘the one’. But then when you first meet up with each other… no real fireworks? No real excitement or tension? Believe me, this does happen. So the best thing you can do is…
Protect Your Emotions!
If you meet someone either online, or briefly out in the world, and only have texting or e-mail as your way of communicating, you should try your hardest NOT to put too much emotion into this relationship in the early days. Doing this could lead to that event where you meet up for the first time, and one of you realises they aren’t interested in a second meeting at all. If you’ve put a lot of energy into the conversations you’ve had with this person – this is going to be a lot harder for you to deal with.
What You Should Do Instead!
After you’ve met someone and even if you’ve chatted for a bit already, you can keep the text messaging up for a while, BUT… as soon as you feel comfortable enough with each other you should say that you want to meet up and suggest a date and place for you two to get together.
This shouldn’t be thought of as a stressful ‘date’ – but a time for both you to really get a good feel for the other person in an actual meeting. I always say that meeting up for a light drink in the afternoon is a great way to go, and a local coffee shop is one of the best places for you to meet. This way, there is always an easy exit if you start to feel uneasy or the date doesn’t go well at the start, because you’re only meeting up for a quick drink. If things go well, and you really want to spend more time together then you can easily take it from there and go on a more exciting date in the future, or even later on that day.
Doing this will make sure that you don’t get too emotionally attached to a relationship that might not work out when the two of you meet face-to-face, and it will definitely save you a lot of energy in the future!
Some Extra Help
I’m sure you know that trying to figure out this text stuff can be a real nuisance, huh? Luckily I’ve found two great guides that not only tell you the best types of text to send – they also tell you how to best use your phone in relationships so you don’t fall into any traps that usually trip people up in dating. I’ve got a guide for the guys reading this, and one for the girls too.
Until next time, I hope you find some more great tips in these guides to help you with your dating!
