In the last blog post, we started talking about how to stop arguing in a relationship.
If you missed that post, be sure to check it out to catch up on how to stop arguments before they get too heated.
But what if you’ve got past the point of diffusing an argument?
What if you’ve reached the point where you know this isn’t going to go away, you and your partner have different opinions on a situation or how to fix a problem, and you can feel those argumentative feeling starting to bubble up?
The important thing to keep in mind when dealing with arguments is these three steps – Move, Discuss, Solve
These three steps will go a long way to you having a productive discussion, rather than a heated argument which might lead to more problems or future fights!
So let’s go into more detail about these three steps.
Step One – Move
In the heat of the moment, even small things like the room you’re in play a big part in your attitude.
If the argument started in the kitchen for example, it can easily escalate if you don’t do anything about it.
For this reason the first step you need to take is to move to a different part of your house.
I also believe in the idea that even changing your position will help you both. If you are both standing for example, change your position – sit down and say to your partner, “there’s something we need to talk about, so let’s go and sit down”.
Not only does this give you a few moments to cool off and get your thoughts in order, it also lets your partner know that something serious is on your mind and this is an important discussion that needs to be taken seriously.
If you try this, you’ll see for yourself that the mood changes from this first step alone, and often you can stop arguments in their early stages.
Step Two – Discuss
The next step, after you’ve moved to a different place and sat down together, is to both take turns to look at the situation and talk about how it honestly affects you.
This is a two-way street where good communication skills are needed.
For example if you feel frustrated because you don’t think your partner understands or trust you, you need to find the words to let them know this.
Remember that your partner isn’t psychic, they won’t be able to read your mind or tell what you’re thinking – so you need to tell them yourself.
Even if you’d like your partner to read your mind and to work with you perfectly, sometimes people need a little nudge in the right direction to be shown by someone else what they’re thinking and what the problem really is.
Since this is a two-way street, both you and your partner need to take time to tell the other how you’re really feeling.
Get rid of any awkward feelings you might have about being open and honest, in the long run the relationship will be helped by the two of you sharing your true feelings about the situation and which part is bothering you.
Often, fights and arguments in relationships are really about an underlying feeling of trust or support rather than what happened to start the actual argument.
So make sure not to skip this step because it might reveal some important things the two of you need to talk about.
Step Three – Solve
Take the time to solve the problem together, as quickly as reasonable.
Once you’ve taken the time to get an overall picture of what the problem was that started the argument – the two of you need to work together to come up with a plan so that the next time something like this comes up again (if it does!), you know how to handle it before it starts to get to “argument level”.
Working together to fix a problem will also help you bond more with each other, and remind you both what a great team you are!
It’s a perfect partnership that comes up with solutions to any problem they face, not letting fights and arguments damage the relationship and your views of each other.
Combine your efforts to come up with a solution each – if you both come up with solutions, you can combine these into the perfect answer to the problem for both of you.
Use The Plan You Come Up With
Remember – arguments in relationships do happen, so don’t get upset if you and your partner get into little arguments.
The important thing is to not let the battle become more than it really is.
Taking these steps to come up with a plan is often all you need to stop the argument.
The best thing about this is that the next time the argument looks like it’s going to come up – you’ve already got the solution! If you write down your plan after you successfully stopped the argument, you’ve now got solution that works for you.
You just need to remind each other of what to do and your relationship together will go on knowing that you managed to overcome yet another argument, while so many other couples will be curiously wanting to know your ‘magical secret’ 😉
So keep these tips in mind, and hopefully any arguments will be quickly resolved for you.
Have you got any tips or tricks for how to stop arguments in your relationship? Leave a comment below if you have a question, or have your own little sneaky secrets that you use to stop arguing in your relationship.
