One thing I’ve been hearing more and more about recently, is this idea that saying ‘no’ to your partner when you’re in a relationship is one of those ‘big bad things’ that you shouldn’t ever think about doing.
Many people (more men than women believe it or not) are starting to believe that saying no to a request from their partner is a very risky thing to do. Sometimes thinking that it might even bring the end of the relationship if they ever thought about uttering the word!
When To Say ‘No’
First of all let me clear up what I mean by this – obviously when I say that you shouldn’t be afraid to say no to your partner this doesn’t mean that you should look to be cruel by saying no to everything they ask. What I mean is that you shouldn’t ever feel like you’re being treated unfairly in a relationship.
Often, in life in general as well as in relationships, we all have to learn to say ‘no’, and remember that we always have a right to do this! Just because you are close to someone or dating them, or even in a lengthy relationship, it doesn’t mean you have to say yes to everything they ask of you.
Are Your Relationships Win-Win?
Relationships should consist mainly of ‘win-win’ situations. When you’re both in a relationship to improve each other’s lives and hopefully support you and help reach your short and long-term goals, you need to be working on the same team! As a sidenote, if you ever find you’re starting to have frequent arguments with your partner, I’ve written some posts on how to stop arguments from starting, and in case an argument has already begun, how to healthily resolve arguments if they do come up.
So if win-win situations are what you should be aiming for, the opposite of these are of course ‘win-lose’ situations! Unfortunately, in some relationships those win-lose situations (where one person wins and the other ends up losing) are more common, sometimes happening so frequently that neither person notices they’re happening at all. It’s almost like they can become habits in the relationship, but still a very damaging one.
People Often Stay Because…
Despite knowing that they’re being treated unfairly, some people continue to accept second class treatment from someone else simply through fear of losing that person or even just trying not to upset them. If this starts happening in a relationship, it’s definitely not a healthy one to be in.
The most intimidating part of this whole situation is that last point. The fear of actually losing a person you care about by simply saying no to them – even if people know they are being treated unfairly, this fear of loss can become quite an excessive and even crippling fear.
If this sounds familiar to you, if you think a relationship would be put in jeopardy simply by you saying that you’ve got plans on your own tomorrow night – maybe you want to see some friends you haven’t seen in some time – you have to ask if this is a relationship you’re going to be happy in for the long-term, and even if it’s one you’d want to stay in anyway…
If you ever think you’re starting to compromise your own integrity, or ignore the values that you have just to avoid rejection or anger from others, or continue to accept second class behaviour even though it’s hurting you (which is more commonly known as being ‘codependent with that person’) then you need to take care of this situation before it starts to get more serious.
Tell Me What You Think!
Phew! This post has taken a more serious note then I thought it would, but the overall point I want to make is that in a happy relationship you should always feel comfortable to assert yourself, or say that you want to do something else if it feels like your personal boundary has been pushed.
To not do this often leads to you feeling depressed about your situation, and feeling increasingly unloved or not appreciated in the relationship. Instead, you should feel confident saying ‘no’ – because after all, this is always your right!
So what do you think? If you’ve got a comment or question, use the comment box below and feel free to speak your mind 🙂
